


Searching for Answers

by Nerdy_Skirt



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Redemption, Running Away, Saving Anders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:14:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4657419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdy_Skirt/pseuds/Nerdy_Skirt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders, at Justice's insistence, has destroyed the Chantry and started a war. Can Hawke find a way to separate the two and save the mage she loves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Searching for Answers

**Author's Note:**

> I really feel like Anders doesn't get enough love... It's tragic, really.
> 
> I'm really new at this. Be gentle.

The chantry was gone, the circle destroyed and Meredith was dead, an angry statue in the middle of the gallows. The battle had been bloody. So many innocents were killed or horribly injured. Now the city was in shambles and there was no going back.  
It was dark, or would be if not for the fires that still raged throughout the city. Marian Hawke was in her room, stuffing clothes and keepsakes into a bag. Anders was quietly, guiltily even, doing the same. She was angry with him, he knew that. She had every right to be. Part of him wished she would have killed him as some of their companions had demanded. It would have been easier than living with the knowledge of what he had done, what he had been compelled to do. He had waited for the hot bite of her blade in his back, the pain that would release him from his prison, but it hadn't come.  
He was lost in thought, reliving the too recent events when Hawke gently placed her hand on his arm. "Anders, we need to go." Her words were surprisingly soft. He didn't speak. He just nodded, his eyes downcast, and followed her out into the ruined streets of the city.  
They wore heavy, hooded cloaks to avoid being recognized and stayed to the little traveled side streets and alleys. They managed to avoid templars and blood mages or abominations for the most part, ducking into dark alcoves or behind rubble. Every time they passed a dead body Anders felt sick. He was a healer, not a murderer, and the sight of all the carnage made his stomach roll. He could feel Justice and his smug satisfaction practically dancing within his own body and that only sickened him further.  
They climbed over a wall that had been utterly shattered in the shockwaves of the explosion and tripped on something soft and wet. Anders looked down and choked back a sob when he saw what he'd fallen over. It was a small boy, broken and bloodied. He stayed on his knees and covered his face with his hands.  
Marian put her hand on his shoulder. "We don't have time for this, Anders. It isn't safe for you here." she said, as softly as she could muster.  
"Leave me, then. Let them have me. I deserve to be tortured and killed. Look what I've done! Look at the death I have caused, the pain and anguish. Why didn't you kill me? You should have killed me..." he broke down and cried freely, his shoulders shook and his chest heaved.  
She didn't know why she hadn't killed him. She couldn't answer his question. "These are the consequences of your actions and you must live with them. As must we all. I am sorry for this child, but we cannot linger here."  
He stood, reluctantly, blood sticking to his clothes. He let her lead him further through the city, every step he took made him feel more guilty. He was so consumed with it that he really wasn't paying attention. He was too busy looking at the ground, silently arguing with Justice. "Why do you mourn these wretched souls so? Their sacrifice will bring about the changes needed to free mages everywhere." Justice gloated.  
"These 'wretched souls' were people. Many of them were my friends. They brought me no harm and this was not justice." he lamented, inwardly.  
He walked chest first into Marian's back. She was standing in one spot, staring in front of her. Her fingers twitched and she readied her hands to reach for her daggers. Anders followed her gaze and his eyes fell on the person blocking their path.  
"You weren't really going to leave without saying good bye, were you, Hawke?" It was Varric who spoke, strapping Bianca to his back. He took several short steps toward her, hurt clearly playing across his rugged features. "You can't leave. We need you. Kirkwall needs you."  
She moved in closer to him, put her hand gently on his shoulder, comforting him. "I know. But Anders needs me too. He'll never survive here." The words surprised him. She knew he needed her. She knew he'd never make it without her and despite everything, she was still protecting him.  
Varric shot Anders an icy look that sent shivers down his spine. "Where will you and Blondie go?" he asked.  
"I'm not sure yet, but it cannot be anywhere near here." she said. She looked at him, silent for a moment and spoke again. "Come with us, Varric. There is nothing left for you here. Kirkwall is gone."  
"There's still a story to be told, Hawke. And who better to tell it than a handsome dwarf?" he forced a chuckle. "Be careful, please. Let me know that you're safe."  
"I will, I promise. Say good bye to everyone for me. I know you'll make it sound good." She tried to smile, but it wouldn't come. She wrapped her arms around her dearest friend, fighting tears. She had no idea when she would see him again, or even if she ever would.

\-------------------------------

They made their way out of the city, North, to Sundermount. They had walked for so long without rest, and were tired. So tired. It was daylight now, late morning or early afternoon. Still, they couldn't stop. They needed more distance between them and the Templars. Aveline wouldn't send her guards, not right away. She would give them a head start.  
They climbed the twisting paths until they were almost to the Dalish camp. Hawke didn't know why she'd brought them there, it was as if her legs had a mind of their own. Her back ached, her legs were on fire and she was filthy. Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, a group of bandits jumped out at them.  
Marian pushed past her exhaustion and began to assess the situation. There were only three of them, surely she and Anders could take them. There was an archer, perched on a boulder to the far left of them. He could be a problem. "Anders!" she yelled, hearing the crackle of his magic igniting and the woosh of his staff as he drew it through the air. "Archer! Take him out!" she instructed and ran into the fray, her knives screeching against the metal of their swords.  
He stretched his hands to the sky, twisting the elements to his will, and brought them back down with a thump of his staff. The archer stiffened and seized as bolts of lightning raged through his body. His skin burned and his blood boiled and finally his heart stopped. He fell from the large stone and onto the ground below with a satisfying thud. He could see Hawke struggling with the other two ruffians, her arms and legs slower than normal. She needed so desperately to rest. He cast a rejuvenating spell on her and watched her speed pick up. With practiced and precise movements she thrust her left dagger into the belly of the man nearest her. His mouth hung open in surprise and he looked at her as she drew her right blade across his throat. He gurgled on his own blood as he fell. She whirled on the last man, the brilliant shine of her weapons covered in blood and gore. He tried to run, to escape his death, but she was too quick and nimble for him. She plunged her daggers into his back simultaneously and he was gone.  
They stood there for a moment, panting. Trying to catch their breath. "Anders, are you hurt?" she asked him, concern in her voice.  
"No, are you?" he reached for her, hands starting to glow again.  
"I'm fine." she said, pulling away from him. "We should keep moving."  
Of course she didn't want him touching her. He didn't blame her...  
It wasn't long before they reached the Dalish. She was well known among them so they were allowed entry without question. Marion looked for Keeper Marethari and spotted her standing next to a fire at the foot of a mountain path. She approached the older woman, "Keeper." she greeted her.  
"Andaran atish'an, Hawke. Your visit is not entirely unexpected. I have been watching smoke rise from Kirkwall for a day and felt the earth quake beneath my feet." She was wise and knew the way of old magics.  
"The Chantry is no more and Grand Cleric Elthina is dead. The Circle has fallen, and the city along with it." Hawke said, grimly.  
Marethari reached for Anders' hand. "What you have done can never be undone, child." She told him, knowingly. "You carry a great darkness within you and I cannot endanger my people for you." She dropped his hand and looked back to Hawke. "You may find refuge in the caves or in the mountains for a time. Long enough to rest. If they come looking for you, I will not be able to stop them."


End file.
